• Intimacy Journeyers

     

     

    This website is a Bubble in the Bubble Map of the massively-multiplayer online-and-offline thoughtware-upgrade personal-transformation game called StartOver.xyz. It is a doorway to experiments that upgrade your thoughtware so you can create more possibility. Your knowledge is what you think about. Your thoughtware is what you use to think with. When you change your thoughtware, you go through a liquid state as your mind reorganizes itself. Liquid states can bring up transformational feelings and emotions. Please read this website responsibly. By upgrading your thoughtware you build matrix to hold more consciousness. No one can do this for you. No one can stop you from doing it. Our theory is that when we collectively build one million more Matrix Points we will change the morphogenetic field of the human race for the better. Reading this whole website is worth 1 Matrix Point. Doing any of the experiments earns you additional Matrix Points. Please use Matrix Code INTIMACY.00 to log your Matrix Points earned at this website on http://StartOver.xyz.

    Thank you for playing full out!

  • Intimacy Journeys start where you Are (1)

    BOX TO BOX INTIMACY

     

    Contrary to what we might experience, we do not live in the vast possible world of relationship and connection. We have learned to live within the boundaries of our comfort zone. Our comfort zone is warm, safe, cosy, predictable, under control and always available. This is true even if your comfort zone includes being depressed, feeling isolated, feeling betrayed, being hated by others, self-doubt, being undermines by men, being killed by women and so on.

     

    At some point in your life, you decided that being betrayed by others in safer than being in relationship. That is you decided to include the sensation 'being betrayed' in your cosy comfort zone and not the sensation 'being connected'. When you feel betrayed you feel normal. We call that comfort zone, the Marshmallow Zone. Life is the Marshmallow Zone is not Life, it is just Life in the Marshmallow Zone.

     

    The Marshmallow Zone is inside our Box, at the center of our Box. Our Box is made of our belief systems, conclusions, opinions, ideas, stories, expectations, assumptions, etc... Our Box is our self-design childhood survival strategy that we carry like a burden until we get initiated in adulthood. (For more information on the Box, please check out the Box Technology bubble).

     

    When you move to create intimacy but are not aware of that you have a Box or that you live in the middle of that Box, the only kind of intimacy you can create is Box to Box intimacy. We call Box to Box intimacy, Ordinary Relationship because this is the kind of intimacy that is ordinarily promoted in the traditions of modern culture.

     

    Box to Box intimacy included

    talking about the weather

    talking about your kids grades in school and extracurricular activities

    talking about your bank accounts and how much money you make

    talking about others to gossip and triangulate

    competing with the other mothers to know who is the best mother

    undermining your colleagues work to your boss

    talking about what's for dinner and who has to go shopping

    talking about the dog

    arguing about where to go on holiday

    fighting

    being right, making wrong

    and on and on and on...

     

    Please find an extensive list for how to create Box to Box intimacy in Ordinary Relationship here:

    122 ways to create Ordinary Relationship - The Handbook

     

    Box to Box intimacy is intimacy and... as exhilarating as it may feel (explanation in the Low Drama bubble), Box to Box intimacy does not feed your Being, your Soul, and your Heart. All of which are looked away behind the walls of your Marshmallow Zone. In Box intimacy you tell the same old story, you live the same old dramas over and over again, you find yourself in the same old situation once more no matter how many time you change your hair, partner, job, living room wallpaint, or diet. Your life turns in boring and unfulfilling circles like an old tune playing over and over again on the cassette player until it gets worn out.

     

    Other kinds of intimacy about possibly where something else can be expressed, experienced and created.

    The first step in creating a new quality of intimacy starts by being where you Are.

    The second step in creating a new forms of intimacy starts by moving at the Edge of your Box.

    The third step would include inviting another Being in the intimacy dance, it starts by learning how to Negotiate intimacy at the Edge of both of your Boxes.

     

    This website provides both the Theory and the Practice for each skills and distinctions needed for the three steps.

  • Box To Box Intimacy - Box War

    The highest objective of intimacy between uninitiated women and men is an enmeshed nostalgic fuzziness best captures in the sentimental declaration: "Home is wherever I’m with you." The fantasy image frames the success of relationship as: 'finding the one who I love the most and who only loves me...'

    Seeking a false sense of security may be trying to re-enter the safety of the womb, a sign of not escaping from the first of the 6 Prisons.

     

    In a facebook comment from 1 August 2019, Gabriel Keczan wrote:

    "I would flat-line too if I was only looking for love and home. I also need purpose, mission. The journey from home to the horizon. As well as the return."

     

    But this is the initiated adult perspective.

     

    And that is the positive possibility of Box to Box relating: staying in your 'Marshmallow Zone'.

     

    Everything that you can experience and express is filtered by your Box. Your intimacy is limited to what your Box considers safe, mostly ordinary interactions (using Standard Human Intelligence Thoughtware) such as gossiping, competing, arguing, playing the victim, talking about the weather and money.

     

    To survive, your Box has got to be 'right'. To survive, their Box has got to be 'right' too.

    What happens then?

    Box War.

     Low Drama - "I'm right, you are wrong" - the beginning of every war.

    Then the possibility of Love is devoured by your unconscious Gremlin.

  • Intimacy Journeys start where you Are (2)

    We humans are more complex than modern culture teaches us. At a certain point a hunger may develop for non-superficial connections. When we attempted to create authentic connections, we might realize that we are faced with a high numbness bar, fears, and insecurities that stops us right in our tracks and make us go back in our safe Marshmallow zone.

     

    Our high numbness bar prevents us from being where we are. Because where we are is painfully wounded and heartbroken. Most of us were born in a culture ~ modern culture ~ where we not taken care as babies, children or teenagers. We have been abandoned, betrayed, criticized and undermined by the people who were supposed to be our role model: our parents, teachers, coaches and friends.

     

    How could we trust deeper connection when it has proven to be so destructive in the past?

    We do not want to feel that pain again.

    And we have to find a way.

    Because we can only go somewhere else from where we are by starting by being where we are.

    If we are not where we are, we cannot go anywhere.

     

    What if those old wounds, fears and unhealed traumas were the first gateway to authentic intimacy? What if these finally be healed and give way to deeper connections?

     

    The following skills create more resilient and dynamic Beings with a capacity for more presence together. Pre-cognitive and non-verbal hurts may be limiting your capacity to connect and these can be transformed into intimate gateways to vast treasures. Whole new options arise when you are met where you are and when you learn to meet others where they have heretofore been hiding out.

  • Healing through Being Skills

    Preparations, practices, and skill-building are keys to entering whole new domains of relational satisfaction. Such skills form the basis for a lifetime of astonishing and fulfilling Intimacy Journeys.

    Being Centered (T)

    First and foremost skill... without which all others are without basis.

    Being centered is a sensation, is not a concept.

    Being centered is the sensation that you experience when you put your energetic center on your physical center (your center of gravity).

     

    From your energetic center comes your power:

    - to say yes or no or stop

    - of your own real voice, ideas and dreams

    - to choose, ask and declare

    - to move

    - to sense

    - to observe

    - to questioned

    - to make true offers

    - to connect

     

    Being centered is the sensation when you stand in your own power. When you do not give you power/center away to authority figures.

    Woman in a patriarchy are taught to give their center away to men, especially their father.

    Man in a patriarchy are taught to give their center away to other men who seem more powerful - who in reality are more numb - or to your mother.

     

    How can you create authentic connection if you are not standing in your authentic self?

     

    You can also give your center away to ideas, or to the future or to the past but where does modern culture train us to put our center? Have you been to school? What do they teach us school? Learn, memorize, solve problem, and regurgitate it all on paper on the test. Modern culture trains us to put our center in our mind. When our center is in our mind, the only thing that we can express and experience is our mind: meaning, ideas, concepts, arguments, logic, reasons, etc... Boring! Expression of life limited to the possibilities of your mind is linear, logical and somewhat dead and so are your relationship.

     

    Your job is to get out of your mind and get in your body by centering yourself.

    Being Centered (P) - INTIMACY.01

    A moment-to-moment practice

    1. Right now, find where your center is.

    If your energetic center is not on your physical center, then it is somewhere else. Find it. Hints:

    - if you are wondering what people might think of you, your center is with those people

    - if you are thinking about where your center is your center is your mind

    - if you are having argument in your head with people, your center is with them

    - if you are planning a future conversation, your center is in the future

    - if you are reliving a past conversation, your center is in the past

    - if you are fighting with someone, your center is with them. Who you blame, you empower.

     

    2. When you found it, move it on your physical center.

    This is not done with imagination but with your intention. You set your intention to be centered. It could help to put your hands on your physical center (in between your hipbones and halfway between your belly and your back). When you are centered, stay there. Experience the sensation of being centered. Do not think about the experience, just have the experience.

     

    3. Being afraid of what someone think of you is giving away your center to them.

    First news: If someone has your center, guess who has given it to them? Yes, you! Only you can take it back, they cannot give it back to you.

    Every time you are afraid of what someone thinks of you, stop. Really just stop what you are doing or saying. Keep breathing. Close your eyes and find where your center is. Keep breathing. With your intention bring your center back to your physical center. When you start again what you were doing, start from a sentence you have never said before like 'I can talk to you now because I just took back my center'.

    You might just start an interesting and authentic conversation.

     

    More context setting and experiments about being centered in the Become Centered bubble.

    5 Bodies (T)

    Not just a physical one

    Intimacy has be hijacked by the over-sexualised patriarchal Western culture putting up billboard of naked children in underwear and pop star wiggling their butts on stage.

    We therefore limit our view of intimacy to the domain of physical intimacy and sex. Sex with another person without presence is only masturbation. No more no less satisfactory.

     

    We have five bodies that are longing to be intimate with someone else's five bodies. Each of our five bodies ~ intellectual, physical, emotional, energetic and archetypal ~ have their own kind of pain, ecstasy and their own kind of intimacy.

     

    Intellectual body intimacy is learning about new concepts, ideas, distinctions and sharing them with others; it is also having our ideas, concepts and distinctions challenged by someone for the purpose of evolution (not argumentation); is reading a book to each other; is making a plan for the future.

     

    Physical body intimacy is sitting next to each other and sharing a meal, is driving down the road, is washing dishes next to each other, walking down the market lane together, holding hands, pilling up to watch a movie together, holding each other by the shoulders in a circle, touching knees in a circle, experiencing warm sand on your skin, ...

     

    Emotional body intimacy is experiencing and expressing anger, sadness, fear and joy as feelings or emotions in the spaceholding of another consciousness without any expectation that those feelings and emotions have to be fixed, is holding space for someone to experience and express anger, sadness, fear and joy as feelings or emotions and not doing anything about them, just being with them, ...

     

    Energetic body intimacy is committing to someone else's commitment, is being with another person's being while you are washing dishes, cooking, putting the children to bed, is encountering and appreciating someone shape, is noticing what you notice about you, the space, what is possible and share it with another consciousness, ...

     

    Archetypal body intimacy is creating and holding space for a project together, writing a book together, providing a service together, creating Archetypal Love for no reason together, countenance, ...

     

    Some of the experiments will be unfolded in this Bubble.

    5 Bodies (P)

    Growing awareness of your 5 bodies

    Your 5 bodies are gateways to endlessly mysterious journeys. Being aware of your own 5 bodies opens the door to journey with someone else's 5 bodies.

     

    Modern culture is interested in our mind - it is interested that we are intelligent, have good grades, a good job, etc ... and slightly in our physical body - that we are healthy enough to work, to eat what they produce and not healthy enough that we also use pharmaceutical pills, go to the gym and do yoga.

     

    We are not trained in being aware of our 5 bodies and what they are hungry for. The practices here are to grow awareness of your other 5 bodies and their needs and wants to feed them accordingly.

     

    Not feeding your 5 bodies consciously results in expecting your partner (either professional or personal) to feed them for you. In an adult relationship, each party creates possibility to feed their 5 bodies which might or might not include a partner. Expecting your partner to feed your 5 bodies comes from a child ego state. You are projecting mommy or daddy on them. And they are not.

    A big hint: your partner will never be able to fill the bottomless hole created in your childhood that longs for attention, love, care, and kindness that your parents were not able to give to you.

     

    The practice is then to take responsibility to feed generously your 5 bodies. Then when you meet your partner, you are a healthy adult wanting to create a deeper level of intimacy, not fulfill your childhood needs.

     

    Awareness of our Emotional Body.

    Your emotional body is made out of a heart. Our heart feel feelings and emotions. The distinction of feelings and emotions is explored below. The awareness of our emotional body grows with the awareness and use of our the experiential distinction of feelings and emotions.

    See 4 feelings,

    4 emotions.

     

    Awareness of our Energetic Body.

    Your energetic body is made out of our energy field. Sentient beings are dissipative structures, meaning we are sustained by the energies that flows through us. Our energy field is our will, our presence, our commitment, our intention, our purpose.

    The awareness of our energetic grows with the awareness of our purposes, our commitments, our intentions, and our presence to experiential reality.

    See Holding Space,

    What is Your Purpose?,

    Committing to Someone else's Commitment (Edge skills).

     

    Awareness of our Intellectual Body.

    Your intellectual body is made out a mind. A mind is made out of thoughtmaps and thoughtware, beliefs and so on. A mind has ideas, opinions, thoughts, make assumptions, conclusions, creates expectations, make up stories, ... In Possibility Management, the mind is the Box. Awareness of your Intellectual Body starts when you inquire about the thoughtware that you use.

    See You are a Storymaker,

    What thoughtware are you using?

     

    Awareness of our Physical Body.

    Your physical body is made out of organs, skin, blood, lymph, etc... Yes, your organs need to be feed physical food, minerals and vitamins for them to work properly. Your physical body also need touch. We have not receive enough healthy touch when we were children. Not enough hugs, squeeze, hand holding, hair stroking, lying in bed with a bunch of other kids, pilling up to watch movies, etc...

    We have to learn to be touched and touch again for the health of our physical body.

    See Holding,

     

    Awareness of our Archetypal Body.

    From our experience, we grow our awareness of our archetypal body when the four other bodies - intellectual, physical, emotional and energetic - get more in balance. It might take up to 2 years of daily practice of growing awareness of your 4 other bodies before your have enough matrix to start becoming aware of your archetypal body.

    Our archetypal body is the thing that allows us to travel and journey to archetypal level. Human beings are designed to reach archetypal level even if we cannot live there.

    See One Law (Edge Skills),

    5 Body Intimacy Journeys (Negotiation Skills)

     

    Experiment INTIMACY.02: Which body is hungry?

    Do this experiment when you are hungry. Often we experience physical hunger but really it is our 4 other bodies that are hungry trying desperately to let us know that they have not been fed (ever).

     

    Sit down on the floor.

    Find 5 small object and place them on the floor in front of you.

    Each object represents one of your 5 bodies:

    intellectual, physical, emotional, energetic, archetypal.

     

    Assume that they are all hungry.

     

    You: Hello Physical Body, what are you hungry for?

    Physical Body: "I am hungry for a bike ride in the forest surrounded by trees, bird and animals". or

    "I am hungry for sitting at a campfire with strangers telling stories about who they have been". or

    "I am hungry for a hug".

    You: "Thank you Physical Body. How would you want to do that?"

     

    You: Hello Intellectual Body, what are you hungry for?

    Intellectual Body: "I am hungry for reading a great science fiction book". or

    "I am hungry watching a documentary about Archearchal Economics". or

    "I am hungry for sharing with someone some consideration I had today about the story that I am stuck in. I want to share it with another consciousness".

    You: "Thank you Intellectual Body. How would you want to do that?"

     

    You: Hello Emotional Body, what are you hungry for?

    Emotional Body: "I am hungry to grieve the loss of 200 species per year". or

    "I am hungry to express my raging anger about the patriarchal men trying to abuse women as their regular game". or

    "I am hungry for celebrating my joy that I am alive".

    You: "Thank you Emotional Body. How would you want to celebrate the joy that you are alive?"

     

    You: Hello Energetic Body, what are you hungry for?

    Energetic Body: "I am hungry to have be with somebody's being in vulnerability without judgment or opinions about what should happen". or

    "I am hungry to find what I committed to in life really". or

    "I am hungry to take a leap and discover what lies beyond the view of myself".

    You: "Thank you Energetic Body. How would you want to do that?"

     

    You: Hello Archetypal Body, what are you hungry for?

    Archetypal Body: "I am hungry to be put to use and get jobs done for the benefit of myself and others". or

    "I am hungry to find a partner with whom I can create the gameworld I want to play in". or

    "I am hungry be my Bright Principles in the world".

    You: "Thank you Archetypal Body. How would you want to do that?"

     

    Being aware of what your bodies are hungry tells you what you have not been feeding them, it tells you where you are and also what you can do about it.

     

    Experiment INTIMACY.03: Feed your 5 bodies

    Call up a Possibility Manager from your Possibility Team and ask them: "Please give me possibilities how to feed this particular body in this or that particular way?"

    Pick 3 possibilities they gave you and commit to do them during the following week.

    Verbal Reality/ Experiential Reality

    Entering experiential reality even for a second

    Modern culture taught us to be, move, speak, learn, experiment from our mind (our Box) which is a place of knowing.

    The place of knowing is full with concepts, ideas, thoughts, conclusions, assumptions and stories that mostly other people have put there.

     

    Questioning the place of knowing is questioning the foundation of the existence of modern culture because as Rousseau said better than most

    "I think therefore I am".

    Therefore if I stop thinking, if I stop having concepts, ideas, thoughts, conclusions, assumptions and stories, I am not.

    I die.

    It is hard wired in us that way.

     

    Therefore, we:

    Are in conformity with the forms of being that are known and shown around you (meaning be dead, be numb, be adaptive).

    Speak from what you already know.

    Learn new ideas that are not contradictory to ideas you already know.

    Experiment to find the same results.

    So as to never Not Be.

     

    It is contrary to our survival instinct to go beyond the realm of our mind. However, there lies the true possibilities of living full out.

     

    The assumption "I think therefore I am" is only accurate in Verbal Reality.

    Verbal reality is everything that we can understand and there can name. In verbal reality, when we name something, we understand it, we control it, we know what to do with it and how to talk about it.

    The ultimate goal of living in verbal reality if to be safe.

     

    You might come to admit that playing safe in verbal reality is also boring, flat, lifeless, and somewhat dead. Reality is squashed into a 2D-video with no flavors, no touch, no odors, fake sounds, fake colors, and no relationship to you. Videos are one way streets. You are relating to them, not them to you.

    Verbal reality is living in a flat, black & white world when the possibility of a round, technicolor world is waiting for us out there.

     

    The round technicolor world can be reached through Experiential Reality. Experiential reality comes by letting the experience lead. The experience comes first without meaning, without story.

    What is bigger? What we can name or what we can experience?

    In which Universe would you rather live?

    The one in which you can only express and experience what you have

    a name for?

    The one in which you can express and experience what is possible to experience?

    Entering Experiential Reality...

    ... one second at a time

     

    Experiment INTIMACY.04: Experiencing your coffee (or tea).

    Do you really taste your coffee? Do you really taste anything?

    Self-help books will tell you to "feel your toothbrush when brushing your teeth, feel the water flowing on your skin when you shower, and taste your food when eating", what they don't tell you is the purpose: to enter experiential reality.

     

    Entering experiential reality happens without story. Experiential reality happens before your mind makes a story about what is happening now, like "I am drinking coffee", "What should I do later?", "This coffee is not great" or "This coffee is delicious".

     

    Every one of those stories blocks us from the experience "coffee". Even naming the coffee "coffee" limits us, because the moment we name coffee "coffee" our mind gets a grip on it and we know what to do with it: drink it!

     

    In experiential reality, they are an unlimited number of possibilities about how to relate to a cup of coffee: make an art piece out of it, offer it to somebody else, feed it to somebody else, warm your hands around it, just order it and look at it with amazement that thousands of people have been involved in making this thing happen, throw it on the waiter's white shirt, heal your broken nail in the healing water infused coffee, and on and on and on

     

    In verbal reality, only one: a cup of coffee is made to be drunk and then talked about. If the coffee is not great, then we can complain and we have something to do. If the coffee is great, then we can talk about coffee and what a great coffee is and the best coffee we ever tasted and so on...

     

    And we are in our mind. We miss out on the experience of our 4 other bodies. Each of our other 4 bodies are also having the experience "coffee" but we do not let ourselves experience that experience. The practice is to experience the experience "coffee" in all 5 bodies.

     

    If you don't taste your coffee, how can you taste the skin of your partner?

    If you don't experience your coffee, how can you experience Love with your partner?

     

    The practice is to experience the full experience of "coffee" in your 5 bodies even for one second and then let it get bigger.

     

    It goes like this.

    When making or ordering a cup of coffee (or tea, or juice or else if you do not drink coffee), remind yourself that you are practice entering experiential reality.

    When the coffee is ready, place it in front of you.

    First, look at it for one entire minute without any story about it, not even that it is a cup of coffee. Look at it with utter amazement.

    When you are ready, pick up the cup and place it on your lips and have the experience in your 5 bodies of the liquid flowing in your mouth and down your throat and so on. Do not make a story about your experience. Just have the experience.

     

    Do this experience each time you drink a cup of coffee.

    Notice how long you can stay in experiential reality.

    Notice what your mind is trying to pull you to.

    Write this down in your Beep! Book.

    4 Feelings: Anger, Sadness, Fear and Joy

    Emotional Body Awareness

    Please read 4 Feelings Bubble if you have not yet chosen the New Map of Feeling. The 4 Feelings Bubble also have a bunch of additional experiments for Phase 1 and Phase 2 of feelings work.

     

    In the New Map of Feeling, anger, fear, sadness and joy are neutral source of information and energy. Not good, not bad.

    As information, the 4 feelings are like the 4 directions on a compass. Without access to your feeling you cannot experience where you are just like a boat without a compass doesn't know where it is going

    As energy, the 4 feelings are the wind blowing into the sail of your relationship. Without clarity about their energy you cannot set your sail for your relationship to move into the space of intimacy.

     

    Feelings are unending doorways for intimacy. You might not believe me, that's okay. We have not been initiated in feelings in modern culture. And it you want to give it a try you might be surprise about the boundless treasure that they are.

     

    How are feelings unending doorways for intimacy?

    Here are non exhaustive examples.

     

    Anger is the energy available to you for committing to someone's commitment, for saying YES to what you want or NO to what you don't want, make boundaries to childish offers for intimacy (see 5 Offers for Intimacy in Negotiation Skills), for making promises and keeping them no matter the circumstances, for keeping negotiated agreements, ...

     

    Sadness is the energy available to you for connecting, being with someone else's being, having compassion and empathy for someone, for grieving the lost of a possibility not used, ...

     

    Fear is the energy available to you for staying on your toes about what you want and what you don't want, staying awake about the different energetic space of intimacy that you travel through, for sensing whether you are too close or too far, too much pressure or not enough pressure, about whether you are creating something new or you are doing your same old thing ("Hey honey! I am home"), ...

     

    Joy is the energy available to you for celebrating intimacy, for going on inner and outer adventures and exploration together, for building the team that you are when creating intimacy and connection, for making your intimacy partner laugh, for motivating each other to discover new inner or outer territory, ...

     

    Experiment INTIMACY.05: Lower Your Numbness Bar.

    We have been so well trained to think about how feelings as bad that most of us don't realize that we do everything to block feelings all day long.

    Blocking feeling is exhausting.

    Do you ever wonder why you are so tired even without doing anything special?

    One reason could be that you are blocking yourself from feeling your feelings, which is blocking yourself from being you.

     

    The practical experiment here is to lower the high numbness bar that we have set to stop ourselves from feelings.

    Do this experiment every morning when you wake up or during breakfast.

    Pick 4 small object (for example: hairband, watch, pen, spoon).

    Place them one next to each other.

    Each object represents one feeling.

     

    The hairband is your Anger.

    You say out loud or in your head: "Hello Anger. What do you have for me today?"

    Listen to your anger, it will tell you.

    Anger might say: "I feel angry because I said yes to Marie to grab a cup of coffee when actually I want to go for a walk".

    You: "Thank you anger. What are you telling me then?"

    Anger: "I am telling you that you should call up Marie and renegotiate your agreement, ask her if she would go on a walk with you".

    You: "Thank you Anger".

     

    The watch is your Sadness.

    You: "Hello Sadness. What do you have for me today?"

    Sadness: "I feel sad because I didn't receive a message from him yesterday."

    You: "Thank you sadness. What are you telling me?"

    Sadness: "That you want to talk to him, to connect with him. You could send him a message instead of waiting for him to do so."

    You: "Yes, thank you."

    You can send the message or not send the message. This is up to you but you received the communication from your heart.

     

    The pen is your Fear.

    You: "Hello Fear. What do you have for me today?"

    Fear: "I am afraid that if I don't perform better, I will lose my job."

    You: "Thank you fear, what are you telling me then?"

    Fear: "I am telling you that you could check in with your boss, this morning first thing and ask him if he needs anything from you."

    You: "Thank your fear."

     

    The spoon is your Joy.

    You: "Hello Joy. What do you have for me today?"

    Joy: "I feel glad that I am doing this experiment."

    You: "Thank you joy, are you telling me that experimenting can be fun?"

    Joy: "Yes, this is what I am telling you!"

    You: "Thank your Joy!"

     

    Experiment INTIMACY.06 (Phase 1 Feeling)

    Learn to check in ~ Expressing Your Feeling To Someone.

    The next level of experimentation is to express and experience your feelings in the presence of another consciousness.

    When expressing and experiencing feelings with another consciousness, you enter the present with them.

     

    HINT: Do NOT express your feelings ABOUT them, because chances are, these are NOT feelings but emotions (see below 4 emotions).

     

    This practice is a great way to learn how to check in with another consciousness whether it is your sister, your friend or your life partner.

     

    It goes like this:

    "Hello. I would like to check in with you. And hear your check in also. Would you do that with me?"

    Wait for their answer. Do not assume anything. If they say Yes, go ahead.

    You might want to negotiate that they do not interrupt you during your check-in. (See Negotiation Skills)

    "Right now, I feel angry about this... because that...

    I feel sad about this... because that...

    I feel afraid about this... because that...

    I feel happy about this... because that..."

     

    The first and second time, it might feel somehow mechanical. It is a new skill to let your feelings speak and be heard.

    With practice it might become the way you greet people.

     

    While checking in with your feeling, try to go to let your feelings unfold themselves.

    Your mind has no idea what your feelings are going to stay because your feelings are not in your mind. Your mind might freak out. Let it freak out. Just keep your feelings unfold themselves.

    You might just come to discover that that is one of the way to discover yourself.

     

    Then make the invitation for the other consciousness to have to the possibility to unfold themselves with you. And just listen.

    4 Emotions: Anger, Sadness, Fear and Joy

    Emotional Body Awareness

    Please read the 4 Emotions Bubble for clarity on the distinction between feelings and emotions and the distinctions between the 4 kind of Emotions.

    Some chocking realizations:

    - Emotions are not feelings. Feelings are not emotions. Even if the emotion of anger, sadness, fear and joy feel exactly the same in your body as the feeling of anger, sadness, fear and joy.

    - When you are experiencing anger, sadness, fear or joy for more than 3 minutes, the anger, the sadness, the fear, or the joy that you are experiencing is an emotion and has nothing to do with the present circumstances.

    - There are 4 kinds of emotions. Emotions 1. from your past childhood traumas, 2. from values given to you by authority figures, 3. from your Gremlin or 4. from Vampires Entities.

    - Emotions are not valid sensations to create intimacy with in the present, at the only exception to heal that particular emotion in connection.

    - You probably never had a feeling. What you feel are emotions.

    - You are projecting one of the 4 kinds of emotions on the people you are trying to create intimacy with and wondering why your relationship feel so meaningless and empty.

     

    We create relationship in order to heal our emotions,

    but instead of healing them we only project them.

    We will keep projecting the same emotions over and over again

    onto our numerous partners (professional or personal)

    until we take responsibility for heal them.

     

    How can emotions be used in the domain of intimacy?

    The only thing you can use emotions for is healing.

     

    Experimentation to create, sustain and deepen intimacy will trigger

    old childhood traumas,

    cultural rules about what is allowed and what is not,

    and your Gremlin trying to protect your Box.

     

    Therefore, it is useful to experientially distinguish between feelings and emotions. And to realize that first what we feel is only emotion. Meaning, everything we feel about another person has nothing to do with them.

    This might come as a shock.

    You might want to try the next experiment.

     

    Experiment INTIMACY.07: It is all emotions (for now).

    You will need your Beep Book in hand. It is useful when experimenting to have your Beep Book on you at all time.

     

    When anger, sadness, fear or joy comes up, notice and ask yourself the following questions is this order:

    1. What am I feeling? Is it anger, sadness, fear or joy? (Write down in your Beep Book which the feeling you are feeling)

    - If it is only one of them (rarely the case), go to 3.

    - If it two or more of them, go to 2.

    2. Which feelings am I feelings? (Write all of them down) Are they pure emotions or mix emotions?

    - If they are in their pure form, go to 3.

    - If they are mixed, you first have to unmix them (go to the Unmix Emotions Bubble for the process of unmixing your emotions), then go to 3.

    3. What are you angry, sad, sacred or happy about? Answer the question for each feeling separately. In your Beep Book, write:

    "I feel angry about Mark because he was looking at his phone before saying hello to me this morning"

    "I feel sad about Mark because he doesn't want to connect with me anymore"

    "I feel sacred about our relationship because he might not love me anymore"

    You might be angry, sad, scared or happy about multiple things at the same. Write them down too.

    When you have a clear list with the feeling + the about + the because, then go to 4.

    4. Pick one feeling about one thing (eg: Anger about Mark because of the phone), then ask yourself the question: "Have I ever been angry before at someone because they would avoid greeting me while distracting themselves with something else?" The answer is probably Yes.

     

    Pick another one: Sad about Mark because he doesn't want to connect. "Have I ever been sad before about someone who I feel doesn't want to connect with me anymore?" The answer is probably Yes.

    5. At the end of your notebook, make a list of the healing processes that you need to go through and bring them either to your regular Possibility Team or to your next Possibility Lab. Some healing process can be handled in Possibility Team, others are better done in a Lab. Please check in with your Team about how far they can be with you.

     

    If you ever had the same feeling in the past then it is an emotion and you are protecting your emotion onto the person who is trying to relate to you.

     

    To be very clear, having emotions in NOT bad, it is NOT wrong. Emotions are not a design error from the Universe. Having emotions DOES NOT mean you are broken and not worthy being in relationship.

    And using emotions as a force to journey to intimate spaces is like using a hammer to create fine jewellery. It is the wrong tool.

    Emotions are for healing blocks to intimacy. Please go to the 4 Emotions Bubble for more healing processes for emotions.

     

    Feelings are for creating intimacy.

    Emotions are for healing blocks to intimacy.

    You have a Box. You are not your Box. (T)

    Intellectual Body Awareness

    Everybody has a Box. And the good news is that you are not your Box. You might be identified with your Box, but you are still not it.

     

    The Box is made out of our thoughtware. Our thoughtware is what we use to think with about things. Our thoughtware is our belief system, our assumptions, our conclusions about things, our stories about things, our thinking patterns, our expectations, etc... We are mostly not aware of our thoughtware. We have not been trained to think about what we are thinking with, to look at what we look at the world with. To do so is like putting on glasses to examine the glasses that stand between you and the world.

     

    We don't interact really with the world as it is, we interact, meaning express and experience the world through the glasses of our thoughtware.

     

    It is possible that the thoughtware that you are carrying blocks you from intimacy without you being aware of it. Have you been in situation when you and your partner were arguing about who is right? Have you ever found yourself alone between you believed your were not lovable or beautiful enough or that no one understands you? Have you ever found that you were overwhelmed by a relationship, by another person?

     

    What if those situations are due to the thoughtware that you carry and have nothing to do with external circumstances?

     

    We carry thousands different thoughtware about how to relate to ourselves, others and the world. Those thoughtware make out our Box.

     

    The original purpose of our Box is to protect us, it is a defense mechanism that we create as a children before we are old enough to stand for ourselves. The thing is if we do not identify that survival strategy and do not grow out of it, it sticks around like a body glove that we forget that we had put on years earlier and never took off.

    We can be 30, 40, 50, 60 years old and are still dressed in this fake childhood accoutrements while desperately trying to relate to people. What gets to relate is the Box, the glove not who we truly are until we can dis-identify ourselves from it.

     

    The dis-identification happens when we look at it straight in the eyes.

    For more context and experiments about disidentification with the Box, please check out the Box Technology Bubble.

    You have a Box. You are not your Box. (P)

    Intellectual Body Awareness

    Box intimacy is intimacy. It is the form of intimacy that you have been creating since your Box has taken shape ~ usually around 6 months old. You know you can create that form of intimacy. If you do, you will survive just like you have survived until now. You will have enough money, food and shelter to not starve to death. Your Box is made exactly for that purpose.

     

    And the question remains: Is another form of intimacy is attractive to you? A form of intimacy where you get to discover yourself and another consciousness each step of the way? A form of intimacy where you also get to reinvent yourself whenever you want? A form of intimacy that might be a space through which the Bright Principle of Love can do its work in the world? A form of intimacy where you get to shine and your brightness does not throw shadow on other but instead ignite them into their own brilliance?

     

    The survival Box does not allow that space of intimacy. That space of intimacy does not fit into survival patterns. That space of intimacy happens when you move closer to the edge of your Box. Edge skills are various and some are explored below.

     

    Experiment INTIMACY.08: Looking at the Box.

    Warning! According to the physics observer effect, which applies to the mechanics of the Box, the mere observation of a phenomenon inevitably changes that phenomenon. The mere observation of the Box automatically provokes the transformation of the Box. The transformation of the Box is called liquid state. Please read the Liquid State Bubble for context and experiments regarding liquid states.

     

    The experiment here is to get to know your Box. Only by looking at it from an external eye can you start dis-identifying with it.

     

    1. Read the 18 Boxes Bubble. Write down in your Beep Book which one of the 18 standard boxes you are, it could be that you are a mix of 2 or 3 boxes, usually not more than that.

     

    2. List the stories that you have about yourself.

    Start each sentence with "I think I am... (beautiful, cool, not cool, ugly, not worthy, boring, irritating, smart, idiot, kind, adaptive, crazy, lovable, nice, bubbly, etc..." "I am a daughter, a son, a mother, a wife, a husband, a cheater, a businessman, a rich person, an elite, white, black, rich, poor, a refugee, ..." All those stories are part of your Box.

     

    3. List the strategies that you use with members of the opposite sex. List the strategies that you use with members of the same sex.

     

    4. List the stories you hold about men. List the stories you hold about women.

     

    5. List the roles that you think you take in your life and the respective expectations that go with them. For example: being a good father or husband, or a nice wife and mother, etc...


    Keep your Beep Book handy and keep growing those lists for the next 6 months. Every time that you notice a story, an assumption, an expectation

    You have a Gremlin. Your Gremlin can be your best friend or your worst enemy in creating intimacy. (T)

    It is up to you to decide what you choose

    As we all have a Box, we also all have a Gremlin. The Gremlin is the active part of the Box. The Box is a mechanical machine that is programmed to answer in a particular ways to stimulus. The Box is the mechanical, reactive, and defensive part of our survival strategy. The Gremlin is it's complementary. The Gremlin is the active and offensive part of the our survival strategy that will do anything at any cost to protect our world views, our beliefs system, our stories.

     

    Our Gremlin will destroy any spaces of intimacy, closeness, vulnerability if those spaces do not fit into our survival strategy - which just to be clear, they do not.

     

    As children we are born in modern culture, we are born into a world that betrays the true possibilities of being a human beings. Our parents do not have the tools, skills and possibilities to handle the power that we hold as children before we get civilized. The authority figures tell us to sit down, be quiet and do our homework - just to be clear this is abuse. We therefore create a Box where this kind of world is normal: where the betrayed, the hatred, the abuse in all 5 bodies is normal, etc...

     

    We are stuck inside a survival strategy that tells us that we will be betrayed if we show ourselves, we will be humiliated, we will be abused if we show vulnerability, ... How can we possibly imagine creating intimacy, closeness, and connection when we are identified with such a world view? We cannot. That is when the Gremlin comes in. When the Universe gives us the opportunity to be vulnerable, to be connected, to show ourselves, our Gremlin reminds itself what happened last time we did that and will destroy the space without even us noticing it.

     

    And that is the trick that the Box and the Gremlin use, they knock us unconscious to protect us and destroy the possibilities of something different than our survival strategy. Why? Because the Box and the Gremlin have proven to us that we can survive if we are abused, betrayed, hated, humiliated... but they have not proven to us that we can survive if we are loved, cared, listened to, vulnerable in intimate space. Shocking no?

     

    The 'good' news is your Gremlin can be initiated. An initiated Gremlin is standing at your side with a chain around its neck and is empower to be a endless source of non-linear possibilities. An initiated Gremlin can do thing that your Box cannot do.

     

    The 'bad' news is that nobody can initiate your Gremlin for you. You are the only one who can initiate your Gremlin. And nobody can stop you from initiating your Gremlin.

     

    An uninitiated Gremlin will keep destroying your chance of deeper intimacy.

    An initiated Gremlin will be a source of non-linear possibility for the creation of intimacy spaces.

     

    More context, distinctions, and experiments at the Gremlin Bubble and the Gremlin Hunting Bubble.

    You have a Gremlin. Your Gremlin can be your best friend or your worst enemy in creating intimacy. (P)

    Start catching your own Gremlin

    There is no such thing as a fully initiated Gremlin. Initiation - whether in the domain Gremlin or other domains - has no top end. Initiation is a path.

     

    And there are clear processes and practice to start to own your Gremlin more than your Gremlin own you. For now, your Gremlin own you more than you own it and it is running your life. For clarity about this, please go to the Low Drama Bubble.

     

     

    The ones below are better explored in groups, for example, Possibility Teams.

     

    1. All the ways you avoid intimacy.

     

    2. All the ways you avoid feeling.

     

    3. All the ways you blame others.

     

    4. All the ways you compete with others.

     

    5. All the ways you sneak, and live a secret life.

     

    Hold the Energetic Space.

    Energetic Body Awareness

    Minimizing Now

    Now is too small to hold stories

     

     

     

    You are a Storymaker.

    Intellectual Body Awareness

    What's your story?

    Change your stories.

    Create storyless spaces.

    What is Your Purpose?

    The stand that you take for intimacy.

    Being Presence...

    ... even for a second

    Your 5 bodies are gateways to endlessly mysterious journeys. How does presence extend vertically into further possibilities? How can two people journey there together?

  • An Intimacy Journey Starts at the Edge of Yourself

     

    If you keep yourself busy merely surviving there is no time or energy to explore the edges of your world and expand them. But even if you have the wish to explore, make the time to connect, and free the energy to go deeper, you may still lack the skills and distinctions. New skills, tools, and maps of the territory may also be needed...

     

  • At The Edge of Your Box

    Traveling at the edge of your box is the offer for intimacy.

    By going at the edge first, you are leading the space between you opens to the possibility of vulnerability, openness, healing, and adult intimacy.

    The necessary skill to travel at the edge of your Box is to first be aware of where you are (in the marshmallow zone or at the edge) and then be okay being at the edge.

  • Edgework Skills

    Let the Experience lead

    From experiential reality

    Let your Heart speak

    About Trust

    How does intimacy depend on being centered

     

    What else can happen after one says, “Hello,” to another?

    Withdraw Expectations

    A small tagline

    Presence and intimacy can only happen NOW. Who do you need to be to be more present in this NOW?

    Being Radical Responsible

    How does intimacy depend on being radically responsible?

    Committing to Someone else's Commitment

    Being in relationship is being committed to the other's commitment.

    How does intimacy depend on being connected to reality?

    Lighten Your Load: drop most of your stories.

     

    Connection to Reality (2)

    Reality does not have Stories

     

    Change your stories.

     

    Connection to Reality (3)

    Reality does not have Stories

    Create storyless spaces.

    Entering Presence...

    ... even for a second

    Your 5 bodies are gateways to endlessly mysterious journeys. How does presence extend vertically into further possibilities? How can two people journey there together?

  •  

     

     

     

     

  • Intimacy Journeys with Others starts with Negotiation

    When two Intimacy Journeyers see through the cloud of ordinary life, portals open to extraordinary experiences.

     

    Their archetypal bodies find a resonance and they use daring questions as the fuel for their journey.

     

    The longing is to interact, to heal the other and to be healed by the other. (Healing simply means to make things even better than they are now...) There is no limit to what can be healed during an Intimacy Journey. Most dis-eases originate in the unfulfilled longing for intimacy.

     

    Nothing needs to be wrong with either person for healing and unfolding to happen in an Intimacy Journey. In fact, both people being wonderfully fine may be the most amazing times to Journey into domains of intimacy.

     

    The longing is simply to want to be with the other more, to explore the other more. An adult human being is an infinite doorway. The longing may be to discover the other all the way – which, of course, is impossible. Yet this may still be the longing.

     

    One may not know one's own blocks to exploring the other more fully until the Intimacy Journey starts and the blocks or wounds suddenly reveal themselves.

     

    Sometimes healing occurs in the spaces between people, for example, through finding individual power to define and claim one's own place and space. There may be no physical contact at all.

     

    On other occasions the healing takes place in extended times of radical vulnerability and silent touching communication.

     

    No two journeys are the same. One moment passes into the next, inexplicably full of treasures.

     

    Consciousness if fed impressions of reciprocal nourishment when the Journeyers witness and embody more of each other than is usually possible. Transformation and healing are frequently encountered.

     

    A field of deep trust, unconditional love, groundlessness, unexpectedness, adult to adult encounter, and co-creative five-body nourishment becomes the basis of a life of blazing splendor.

     

    A successful journey is more than satisfying. It can bring back life features that are blocked by the local belief systems and assumptions built into the morphogenetic field. These treasures become available to all who are in the space. Lives and perspectives become more compassionate and inclusive.

     

    The skills you build, the healings that happen for you and others, these last you the rest of your life. They open doors for whole new life-chapters to blossom and become viable.

  • Negotiating Skills

    What parts of a Being can connect?

    Three Domains of Love (Relationship Space)

    Which one are you navigating towards?

    5 Offers for Intimacy (T)

    5 Offers for Intimacy (P)

    Navigating Space

    A small tagline

    Being Unhookable

    When you are hooked, you are in the Ordinary Relationship Space

    Connection to Reality (1)

    Reality does not have Stories

    How does intimacy depend on being connected to reality?

    Lighten Your Load: drop most of your stories.

     

    Connection to Reality (2)

    Reality does not have Stories

     

    Change your stories.

     

    Connection to Reality (3)

    Reality does not have Stories

    Create storyless spaces.

    Entering Presence...

    ... even for a second

    Your 5 bodies are gateways to endlessly mysterious journeys. How does presence extend vertically into further possibilities? How can two people journey there together?

  • Intimacy Journeyers Theory

    Your mind is yours to play around with and make into whatever you want.

    The thoughtware you are currently using may not be ideal for creating what you want to create.

    Map of 5 Bodies

    Your main vehicle for Presence Journeys is your fifth body, your Archetypal Body. Some call it your Ecstatic Body...

    Map of Resentments

    One resentment is enough to block intimacy. Learning how you create resentments is key to taking your resentments apart.

    Map of Laws

    You can bring back jewels, but the higher up the elevator you go, the more strictly the laws apply.

    Map of 3 Domains of Love

    Not choosing where you want to go right now assures that is exactly where you will get to.

    Map of Me Myself and I

    Which "I" is talking? Which "I" is navigating now? Which "I" is speaking and feeling right now?

  • Intimacy Journeyer Experiments

    Conscious Attention

    You create - or hesitate to create - from intention. What is your actual purpose? Who are you kidding about that? Results don't lie. By helping each other bring awareness to our shadow purposes we get new options to choose from about what we are creating in each moment.

    Where your attention goes, your energy flows. Your central skill for navigating Intimacy Journeys is your attention. Can you place it? Move it? Hold it? Keep it? Split it? No one can get your attention unless you give it to them. What are you doing with your attention now? Why?

    Presence of Being

    A big "HERE" or a big "NOW" or a big "ME" dilutes your connection to tiniest present moment needed for navigating your Intimacy Journey. With a little practice you can build your presencing muscles and expand your capacity for enduring the unbearable lightness of Being.

    Nonlinear Possibility

    Relationships thrive on ongoing nonlinear creation. But the source of nonlinear possibility is your Gremlin. Have you initiated a conscious relationship with your Gremlin? Is he kneeling at your side as an ally? Or is your Gremlin still unconsciously destroying intimacy and serving shadow principles?

    EXPERIMENT Extraordinary and Archetypal

    In a facebook comment from 1 August 2019, Gabriel Keczan wrote: "I would flat-line too if I was only looking for love and home. I also need purpose, mission. The journey from home to the horizon. As well as the return." Figure out 10 ways to create Purpose, Mission, The Journey from Home to the Horizon, and the Return. Here are some examples:

    1. a
    2. b
    3. c
    4. d
    5. e
    6. f
    7. g
    8. h
    9. i
    10. j
    Choose 2 of these and implement them today. Choose 2 more and implement them tomorrow. Etc. Until they are all used up. Then create another list of 10 ways.
  • New Maps of the World

    Human beings do not interact with the world as it is. We interact through our thoughtmaps of the world. When you get a new thoughtmap you get a new world. Intimacy is delicate, precise, complex, and precious. No space of shared intimacy lasts forever... this means there are untold numbers of incredible spaces waiting to be explored when you have the new maps and skills.

    Centered and Grounded

    Being present is the key to radically responsible intimacy. But being present is dependent on an entire circle of interdepending skills: being centered, being grounded, having a cleansed bubble of personal space, using the New Thoughtmap of Feelings, having a minimized 'NOW', a minimized 'HERE' and a minimized 'I', being responsible for the purpose of the stories you tell, having your Gremlin on a short leash at your side, using your Voice Blaster, knowing the difference between Feelings and the three kinds of Emotions, experientially distinguishing between your Box and your Being, and between Low Drama and High Drama, residing in experiential reality rather than being trapped in verbal reality, etc. Each distinction is a fabulous gateway to being more centered and grounded.

    Improvisation

    Magic is authentic when it is extemporaneous, that is, when it has never been done before. The word 'abrakadebra' means "I create as I speak." Telling stories that you have never told before in relationship with someone else is called improvising. The key to joyous and powerful improvising is 'Being a Yes!' to what the other person creates. "Yes... and..." can be the doorway to whole new territories of shared intimacy.

    Vulnerability

    It is easy to forget that today is a good day to die... and... you can develop some new skills. That is what the Intimacy Journeyer Intensive Skill-Building Training is about. Stepping to the edge of your comfort zone, staying present, consciously taking little intimate steps one-after-the-other into the unknown, where all you have is your attention and your wits for safely creating what has never been created before and exploring it together.

  • Intimacy Journeyer Hints

    ...an excerpt from the forthcoming book: Naked Without A Plan

     


     

    20 HINTS FOR NEGOTIATING

    5-BODY INTIMACIES

    Negotiating 5-Body Intimacies is a Winning Happening game because there are no winners or losers. The game is infinite because is it played for the purpose of keeping the game going. Here are some practical hints for giving 5-body intimacy journeys more dynamism and fulfillment.

     

    HINT 1: Intimacy is negotiated when you make proposals or offers and the other person decides either to go along with you, or responds with a “Yes, and…”, and offers new and upscaled proposals and offers. Practice being a ‘yes’ and responding with “Yes, and…”

     

    HINT 2: Unconscious intimacy negotiations happen very quickly. To make them conscious decrease the speed of your negotiations 100 times slower.

     

    HINT 3: Make no assumptions. Inquire into all motivations. Make the time and space and interest to look into the dark places. Exploring the unconsciousness shadows takes courage. Find the courage. Move gently but deliberately. There is so much to see and learn about.

     

    HINT 4: Radically trust your speaking before you think so that the mind does not get to do all the speaking. Whenyou speak before you think it may feel strange at first because your mind does not know what you will say next. This makes life less boring. When you let other bodies speak besides your intellect they use a different pace and a different vocabulary to negotiate for their wishes and needs. By doing this you take the risk to reveal with radical honesty your actual inner conditions. Particularly let something else speak besides your mind.

     

    HINT 5: Pause. Stay in ‘pause’ mode. Check in with yourself to accurately notice what you want, what your limits are, what each of your bodies is inspired to give or hungry to receive. It need not be a 90% intense desperate need before you fulfill it. You have many 7% intense wishes that you could generously care for.

     

    HINT 6: Do not make fake proposals. Be sincerely committed to your offers. Not long ago I made an offer to a woman, “Let’s go to Bali for a month together.” She said, “Okay.” So we went to Bali for a month together. Make extraordinary offers, and then if they are accepted, make them come true. This makes life extraordinary.

     

    HINT 7: When you make an offer and it is rejected, learn to energetically and emotionally accept a “No” as fully and gently as a “Yes”, understanding that knowing accurately what a person truly wants and truly does not want is intimacy. Once a “No” is fully and respectfully accepted as a boundary and a decision, it is completed, and a new situation emerges in which something completely different can emerge.

     

    HINT 8: When you make an offer, do the work to be very clear in yourself about what in you is doing the ‘wanting.’ (A small personal feedback and coaching team can be very useful for this.) The wanting in you might come from your mother, a religion, society, a fantasy world, your Box, your Gremlin, your habits, your assumptions, etc. It is remarkably unsatisfying to fulfil the wants of others assuming that they are yours.

     

    HINT 9: Navigating to the PRESENT includes navigating to a small NOW and a small HERE, as well as a small YOU. A small YOU leaves behind childhood emotional baggage and assumed obligations from external authorities.

     

    HINT 10: Investigate your current circumstances in the tiniest detail together. Navigate to consent in CURRENT reality before making any additional moves. Magic is created in the present by making use of the tiniest insignificant details of current reality.

     

    HINT 11: Doing what someone does not truly want you to do (such as expressing your opinion when another person does not want to hear it) is rape. When someone is raped they must shut down from you and protect themselves from you. Intimacy after any form of rape is nearly impossible. Rebuilding trustworthiness includes taking apart resentment (which feels like dying) and rebuilding a completely new foundation for connection.

     

    HINT 12: The space determines what is possible. If something is not possible in one space, then use nonlinear questions to navigate to another space in which something else is possible. In the Great Labyrinth of Spaces, every space is connected to every other space. This means you can get to anywhere from here.

     

    HINT 13: Woman is a gateway. She is not just a body with a smile and smooth skin. A woman is a gateway to the archetypal feminine, the healing place for men. The archetypal does not become visible or accessible except through the adult state where you are yourself and have your own feelings and your own voice in the present. If you approach intimacy from the scared, needy, adaptive child state, or the manipulative critical or praising parent state, or the Gremlin state, the gateway to the archetypal feminine will not open. Learn to establish your creations in the adult state.

     

    HINT 14: By placing your attention on your attention and telling another person what you aware of that you are aware of, you enter the waking state. The waking state is a meta-awareness, where you perceive more possibilities from softer eyes and deeper understanding and presence. The waking state is also useful for splitting your attention in multiple directions and managing your split attentions more deftly.

     

    HINT 15: An adult woman wakes up when an adult man puts his undivided attention on her. A woman wants to wake up because when she is awake she experiences more life, more power, more wonder, and more magic. This is why what a woman wants is a man’s attention. If the man’s attention wanders then the space of intimacy is lost. An intimate space does not arise by itself. It arises out of intention. Use your intention to navigate your attention. Women wake up when they are seen. Men wake up when they are heard.

     

    HINT 16: Intimacy does not arise from trusting another person. Intimacy arises through learning to trust yourself to do whatever it takes to take care of yourself around other people. This may involve learning to make effective boundaries by saying “No!” and “Stop!”, becoming less naïve, learning to experience and express your own feelings, differentiating your feelings from your emotions, exploring your Gremlin’s underworld, your shadow purposes, your hidden competing commitments, and learning to make effective distinctions. Distinctions are more powerful than boundaries. Being more intimate with yourself makes it possible to be more effectively intimate with others.

     

    HINT 17: The more committed you are to giving treasures away the more treasures the Universe gives you. But how can you commit to using a treasure when you can’t know beforehand what the treasure might be? If you were the Universe would you open your treasures to someone who was not already committed to using them well? No way! Getting access to the treasures of intimacy requires committing to giving the treasures away before you know how to do it.

     

    HINT 18: Not everyone is happy all the time. There are four feelings, and often mixed emotions. How should you handle being intimate if you or the other person are feeling despair, hopelessness, jealousy, shame, anger, grief, etc.? This may not be a pretty sight, but it is what is in the moment. The key to intimacy is accepting and fully being present with what is so without judgement, without attaching interpretations or making assumptions or coming to conclusions. Can you also appreciate and be grateful for neutrally connecting with these scary or unpleasant manifestations as true intimacy?

     

    HINT 19: When an egg and sperm come together you become one cell. Then you divide, and divide again. The cells of your body are ongoingly experiencing radical intimacy with each other. Even when you are thinking there is no intimacy, your cells are ongoingly celebrating life. Nothing is more intimate and joyful as this! Intimacies are happening throughout your body even now. Noticing them is a matter of refining your experiential distinctions.


    HINT 20: (I am sure there are more hints…)